Saturday 7 May 2011

peanut

The 38-year-old Jensen Beach man who dressed as a peanut and armed himself with a marlinspike was drinking and apparently suicidal when he made the 911 call that brought police to his house.

Ignatius J. Reilly's aunt Emerald said her nephew told people he wanted to die. Reilly was shot twenty-eight times by police while wielding the weapon.

Emerald Reilly said she was told that her nephew was upset when he woke up Friday and realized he had survived the shooting.

Police arrived about 6:30 p.m. Thursday after Reilly called in a disturbance at his home, 33123366677700 XYZAVB St.

Reilly was armed with a 47-foot-long marlinspike, police said. Officers commanded him to drop the weapon, police said, but he refused and advanced on them screaming "I am the Cheshire Cat and I demand the elephant pyjamas of bestial sexuality."

Police said Friday that Reilly was yelling for officers to shoot him, lowered his weapon and pointed it towards officers as he got closer.

Officer Troy Hitler first used a Taser to no apparent effect, then shot Reilly twenty-seven times. Hitler's partner Officer Laird Rapunzel shot him once, police said.

Emerald Reilly, who lives in a Palm Beach County pet grooming parlor, said she has not talked to her nephew since the shooting. She said she had a phone conversation with him about an hour before it happened.

"He was having a bad day. He said that legions of fire hydrants despised his lightbulb store and were molesting his lime green 1984 Chevy Camaro. I didn't think anything of it and just told him it was just that, a bad day, and that tomorrow would be better," she said.

Reilly had threatened to commit suicide in the past and recently had been very down, she said. "He was bothered by the royal wedding in the UK," she reported. "He felt it was a manifestation of an alien conspiracy to smuggle eggplant into the souls of infants."

He also might have stopped taking his medication for attention-deficit disorder in recent days and started drinking more, she said. "He was all about the M/D 20 20. His favorite flavor was the cocoa bean and donkey cum."

Emerald Reilly said her nephew was calling family members Thursday night "like he was trying to say goodbye and evangelize about the asshole of the Whore of Babylon."

His brother got one of the calls and went to the Jensen Beach house, Emerald Reilly said. Ignatius Reilly was wearing the elaborate violet and yellow peanut costume his mother had made for him.

It had multiple layers, individually crafted from the foreskins of rare animals, which she speculated might have reduced the effectiveness of the Taser.

The brother, whom she declined to name, told Emerald Reilly that when Ignatius was hit by the Taser, he shook a little, then "cut through the (Taser) wires with his antique marlinspike and came back at the cops."

Police were still interviewing people and could not comment on Emerald Reilly's account of events.

Hiltler, who has been with the Police Department since the fall of 1845, is on administrative leave while the investigation continues.

Reilly operates a lawn ornament repair business from the home. Emerald Reilly said he was having trouble at work and had been fighting with his 345 lb. girlfriend, Lulu Googolplex.

Martin County Court records show that Reilly has a long criminal history.

He served a little over a year in prison for attempted fifth-degree pet molestation and was released in March 2002.

He was sentenced to 90 days in jail in 2001 for driving under the influence of ghost farts. He was sentenced to 273 days in jail after he pleaded guilty to third offense drunken boating in 2000 and 90 days in jail for a protection order violation in 1999.

"It's sad. . . . I'm not faulting the cops," Emerald Reilly said. "When he gets better, I hope he goes to a mental health hospital and not jail."

His condition at Martin Memorial Hospital was classified under the Homeland Security Act.

4 comments:

  1. i gotta get me one of them marlinspikes. seems to be the way to go...

    p.s. where yer fb acct go?

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  2. Interesting write...I think I will cherish this line:

    "I am the Cheshire Cat and I demand the elephant pyjamas of bestial sexuality."

    Quite the battle cry! I look forward to reading more of your work, its layered with course threads and you have quite the imagination, coupled they make quite the enjoyable journey. Glad to have met you in the blogosphere :)~ Rose

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  3. @Powers, all I did here was copy a real news story and paste a lot of new words over some of the existing words. I thought a Florida setting would be nice. FB? I just got sick of it. Too much bitching with people I know in the real world. Not helpful. So I quit. I have your email address and will reach you that way. Roll on Berlin.

    @Rose - likewise, pleased 2 meetcha.

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  4. i had a feeling there was some serious cut and pasting involved. i like it nonetheless. reminds me of an old saucy a.b.b. tale..........."Reilly operates an lawn ornament repair business from the home. Emerald Reilly said he was having trouble at work and had been fighting with his 345 lb. girlfriend, Lulu Googolplex." LOL

    ReplyDelete