London's countless fried chicken shops. The subject, sometimes, of the kind of palaver my old city does so well. Known for the sameyness of the logos which belie the fact that they tend to be small, locally owned businesses. Of these brands, the ones which cause me to glance most sharply are the ones in which the smiling rooster is clutching a bucket of chicken, proudly cannibalistic. It was this that came to mind when I was getting some winter sun on my face in Tossa de Mar this weekend. The signage of one bar/restaurant there flips the notion of 'man cooks chicken and chicken is happy about it':
Showing posts with label remark. Show all posts
Showing posts with label remark. Show all posts
Thursday, 23 November 2017
PERSONA A L'AST
Sunday, 22 October 2017
LINKROTPOCALYPSE
That's that then. Every few days, I've been retrieving pictures rendered invisible on this blog by the end of Photobucket as a free service. It has been tedious and slow work. It now seems to be at an end. All photos put here between 23rd September 2011 and August 6th 2012 seem to be completely unavailable unless I pay $399.99. That's that then.
Friday, 16 September 2016
WHAT TO DO?
At its inception, this blog was meant to be nothing more than a place to dump (quotidian/banal) photos of my country of birth, which forms the largest part of a North Sea island just off the coast of Europe. I happened to be living there at the time. Mostly for my own amusement, I had decided to catalogue the small details of the small world of my immediate surroundings. I was going through a phase of seeing more beauty in everyday things such as paving stones, pillar boxes and weathered shop fascias than in songbirds, cherry blossom or a flash of well-turned ankle. As I felt myself retreating from a really deep interest in the fate of the country and from any sense of being able to do anything about it, MY england seemed to have shrunk down to the eye being drawn to little things and ephemera. Hence the name of this blog or whatever this thing is.
Time passed and I ended up saying more than I probably should have done, thereby getting drawn into time-wasting arguments with weird pieces of shit (see the comments section here). At this stage, hilarious (not really) consequences of choosing the name this is my england began to unfold. How rum it was to be a bed-wetting, triggered, metropolitan, effete, latte-sipping, elitist, left(ie)y snowflake yet often be initially mistaken for an alt-right cunt or white nationalist or whatever on account of the name of this blog and its associated twitter handle! The fun we had. Not really.
Around that time, for the first time, I thought of rebranding. But I didn't.
Now I'm entertaining the same thoughts, but this time for a different reason. I have, you see, left England and have no intention of returning, other than for shortish visits to see friends and family. All you who remain there and who have some place in my heart: I wish you well. But it's not for me any more. I was born there and have spent most of my life there up to now. But I don't think I ever felt that I wasn't out of place in England. I daresay I will feel out of place where I am now. But at least it's warmer and a majority of people here seem to be closer to my worldview.
From a few hundred miles away, I can pick up dim echoes of the braying, barking banalities of Brexit Britain: a coterie of bird-brained (and/or actually evil) vandals fucking everything over for no obvious good reason while dimwits in horrible pubs fulminate darkly about fucking foreigners coming over here and taking the jobs we're not prepared to do ourselves. and that. I couldn't have done anything about it if I'd stayed. There's no opposition. There's no plan.
Good luck. You'll need it. So will I. But the wine here is cheap and the tiny little gherkins taste of anchovies and you can swim in the lake for months and months without a wet suit or whatever.
Still not sure if I'll change the name of the blog.
Time passed and I ended up saying more than I probably should have done, thereby getting drawn into time-wasting arguments with weird pieces of shit (see the comments section here). At this stage, hilarious (not really) consequences of choosing the name this is my england began to unfold. How rum it was to be a bed-wetting, triggered, metropolitan, effete, latte-sipping, elitist, left(
Around that time, for the first time, I thought of rebranding. But I didn't.
Now I'm entertaining the same thoughts, but this time for a different reason. I have, you see, left England and have no intention of returning, other than for shortish visits to see friends and family. All you who remain there and who have some place in my heart: I wish you well. But it's not for me any more. I was born there and have spent most of my life there up to now. But I don't think I ever felt that I wasn't out of place in England. I daresay I will feel out of place where I am now. But at least it's warmer and a majority of people here seem to be closer to my worldview.
From a few hundred miles away, I can pick up dim echoes of the braying, barking banalities of Brexit Britain: a coterie of bird-brained (and/or actually evil) vandals fucking everything over for no obvious good reason while dimwits in horrible pubs fulminate darkly about fucking foreigners coming over here and taking the jobs we're not prepared to do ourselves. and that. I couldn't have done anything about it if I'd stayed. There's no opposition. There's no plan.
Good luck. You'll need it. So will I. But the wine here is cheap and the tiny little gherkins taste of anchovies and you can swim in the lake for months and months without a wet suit or whatever.
Still not sure if I'll change the name of the blog.
Monday, 15 August 2016
Un dia càlid a Girona
Sunday, 3 July 2016
ANGRY SLAMMING
BREXIT REFERENDUM: an angry, exasperated, worried this is my england response IS brewing. But it may take a few more days to emerge. As PROJECT CATALUNYA gathers pace, a third trip to the area has turned out to be necessary, and is set to take place later this coming week. This time the focus will be on confirming a temporary home to serve as a reasonably comfortable base for the first 6-12 months of our new life abroad. But I'm still managing to have a go at working off the excess weight, firming up the excess softness and doing something about a long legacy of under-addressed puniness. The day after the referendum, I spent a fiery hour with my perceptive PT, who wisely selected a session consisting largely of slamming things onto other things very hard. Cathartic. A little. Not enough, of course. Left to my own devices a day or so later, I moved about a bit to a funny old soundtrack: nostalgia for my clubbing days at the front end, followed by a couple of oddities recorded in the Soviet Union of all places:
- Frankie Knuckles: Your Love [1986]
- D.O.P.: Future Le Funk [1992]
- Saint Etienne: Only Love Can Break Your Heart [1991]
- Rozalla: Everybody's Free (To Feel Good) [1991]
- CeCe Peniston; Finally [1991]
- Andrei Petrov: Mondniy Tanec [1977]
- Aleksander Zatsepin: Tanec Shamana [1974]
Thursday, 23 June 2016
RUNNING ON REFERENDUM DAY
An unnecessary, divisive and toxic plebiscite foisted upon us so David Cameron could continue to be PM. Endless and unpunished lying. The impossibility of denying that we now live in a post-truth era in which experts and facts are routinely reviled and rejected. Unless they're on your side. It's nearly done. Hoping for the right result. Lots simmering away in the background as PROJECT CATALUNYA gathers pace. No wonder I needed another run and additional physical jerks, part of all that lightened by:
- Ill Biskits: 22 Years [1994]
- Handsome Boy Modeling School ft. J-Live & Róisín Murphy: The Truth [1999]
- Nu: MAN O TO [2012]
- Capricorn: 20 Hz [1993]
- The Aloof: Never Get Out Of The Boat [1991]
GRINDING RELIEF FROM ALL THIS
I've thought about writing something relating to today's EU referendum here in the UK. In fact, given the degree to which the whole dismal business has been dominating headlines and conversations here of late, it seems strange not be doing so. But I've been all over Twitter and whatnot, making my REMAIN preference pretty obvious. I've grown weary of it, and fearful about the consequences of a LEAVE win. More the point, others have articulated the left-wing case for a remain vote far more articulately and persuasively than I can manage, notably Alex Andreou back in May. All I have in the tank today, then, is another dumb list of the stuff I listened to during my most recent stint of running my way towards reduced fatness and sweaty breathlessness:
- The Winstons: Amen Brother [1969]
- Billy Preston: Outta Space [1971]
- Lonnie Liston Smith & The Cosmic Echoes: Expansions [1975]
- Bernard Purdie: Cold Sweat [1971]
- DJ Nephets: Na Na Na [1997]
- Funk Machine: Message From Our Sponsor [1991]
Wednesday, 1 June 2016
Monday, 2 May 2016
TUNEAGE: MORE RUNNING AND THAT
Dateline BLOODY BLIGHTY: As the twisted ankle recovers and as the physical condition begins to pick up after the blissful blunting of incautious eating and reduced exercise in now much-missed NYC and now yearned-for Florida, more poundingpounding of treadmill and further jerkyjerk-phyzikal jerx. Today: reintroduction of bastard bench-pressing and blooming box jumps, the latter causing prickling stings of familiarness, such is the affection for this particular form of movement. All movements not unconducive to the wearing of big-ass headphones (i.e. just those box jumps, really), were bounced onwards by musical accompaniment thus:
- Delegation: You and I [1979]
- Bad Manners: Ne Ne Na Na Na Na Nu Nu [1980]
- Audio Deluxe: 60 Seconds [1992]
- The Stranglers: No More Heroes [1979]
- Elvis Costello & The Attractions: Pump It Up [1978]
- Talking Heads: Once In a Lifetime [1981]
- Sex Pistols: Pretty Vacant [1977]
- Baby Huey: Hard Times [1971]
- Symarip: Skinhead Moon Stomp [1970]
- The Rakes: The World Was a Mess But His Hair Was Perfect [2007]*
- Gary Toms Empire: 7-6-5-4-3-2-1 (Blow Your Whistle) [1975]
- George Benson: Give Me the Night [1980]
- Chicken y Sus Comandos: Caminando Despacito [1969?]
- Azymuth: Jazz Carnival [1979]
--------
*note:
As my current preference is, demonstrably, for music recorded, for the most part, in the 1970s and 1980s, this tune by defunct UK indie-rockers The Rakes stands out like a sore thumb: a rare example of young(er) people's music entering the radar screen of this ageing, dessicated husk. It's a song which 95% satisfies me but which contains a single irritating flaw, to my mind. Music, musicianship, craft, whatever: fine; lyrics: MOSTLY fine, being an unpretentious take on the worries of an imperfect night out in the 21st Century (ten new messages on my phone; danger of eye contact with male stranger leading to fighting and disturbance of carefully crafted hairstyle...). But there is a seriously dud pair of lines:
You slag off America in the pub
Saying the war was shite
The in the club drink some Buds
And smoke some Marlboro Lights
I'm not sure whether the narrative voice is addressing itself (himself) or a third party. Either way, a critical observation is made, namely that it is hypocritical to speak negatively about American foreign policy while consuming products made by American companies. This seems an entirely juvenile and fatuous position, reminding me of the time when Louise Mensch thought it was terribly clever to suggest that protesters who oppose some iniquitous elements of capitalist societies cannot use mobile phones or drink coffee without undermining their arguments. But this is a minor gripe, I guess. The song is pretty good otherwise.
Tuesday, 12 April 2016
ROLL OF HONOUR
from time to time it's fun to review the list of people who have chosen to block this is my england on Twitter. this was last done back in May 2015. couple of observations, then, about today's update: new entries are marked with an asterisk; new entry may not mean the blocking has happened recently - could be the case I've only just noticed or only just remembered. here they are then...
- Stacy Herbert*
- Stewart Jackson MP*
- Raheem Kassam*
- David Vance*
- Louise Mensch
- Nadine Dorries
- Guido Fawkes
- Grace Dent
- George Galloway
- Nick Griffin
- Douglas Carswell
- Toby Young
- James Delingpole
- Melanie Phillips
- Jay Bothroyd
- Mike Gaukin
- Joshua Bonehill-Paine (several incarnations thereof)
- Tim Lovejoy
- Fraser Nelson
- Max Keiser
- Ian Millard
as ever, I'd like to confirm that these folks were not on the wrong end of expletive-dotted abuse or, indeed, anything genuinely abusive. interesting to note how many of the above, though, are self-proclaimed free speakers, notoriously sharp-tongued or otherwise supposedly inclined towards the rough and tumble of a robust discussion.
Saturday, 19 March 2016
ON THE FRUITFULNESS OF KILLING TIME
The BULLSHIT JOB that I'm doing at the moment can be done at home. So I do it at home, working odd hours and finding time to do less bullshit things between the various bullshit tasks involved. Hence going to the gym at 10.00 in the morning to be put through my paces by a muscular, cheerful dude who calls me buddy and scores higher for emotional intelligence and bedside manner (well, the personal trainer equivalent thereof) than pretty much any other person I can think of. Smashing off my visceral fat. Buying me a few more years, maybe. Getting the old body to the point where no it no longer feels like I'm dragging around an awkwardly proportioned sack of shit. That is actual progress. There's a spring in my step and my lower back doesn't grumble any more, even after a night spent on a blow-up bed when guest bedrooming somewhere. I have actual fucking biceps, fer chrissakes. Not noticeably large. But there. Really there.
Anyway, after an hour of strong mind, buddy and get your foot higher for me, buddy, I was nauseous and fully wiped out. Had to sit, bewildered, on a PLYO SOFT BOX for what seemed like ages before I could make it out of the sweaty kit and into the shower. Then the shower went on an on and on. Wasteful. Superb. So I get out of there and it's an awkward time. I can't brunch because I breakfasted. I can't lunch because it's not yet midday. Twenty-plus minutes shy of noon, in fact. What to do? Ours is not a town where there's much to do on a grey day bedevilled by insistent, pissy drizzle. So I went into Waterstones because I can always stand to look at books. Even in a weirdly deficient branch of Waterstones - massive children's dept., acres of business books and a dismally small fiction section that's mostly airport stuff. But my eye was drawn to a tray full of books marked all the way down to ONE POUND. 99.9% dross, of course. But then I saw a neat little volume containing profiles of 12 Russians who don't like Putin. I'll have some of that, I decided. I've lost count of the genuinely interesting things I've picked up in those places that only sell remaindered books. It was in one of those places that I got turned on to Ismail Kadare, fer chrissakes. So my mind is always open to the possibility of being led somewhere stimulating by a bargain pick-up. Let's see. Perhaps it'll make it into the suitcase as holiday reading for the impending trip to the USA. So I went off to get my chicken burger with a hopeful smile, my freshly battered flesh notwithstanding. I got them to hold the mayo and the sickly-sweet onion relish, replacing these with jalapeños. I like a slight frosting of sweat on the brow when eating chicken. Then back to the BULLSHIT JOB.
Anyway, after an hour of strong mind, buddy and get your foot higher for me, buddy, I was nauseous and fully wiped out. Had to sit, bewildered, on a PLYO SOFT BOX for what seemed like ages before I could make it out of the sweaty kit and into the shower. Then the shower went on an on and on. Wasteful. Superb. So I get out of there and it's an awkward time. I can't brunch because I breakfasted. I can't lunch because it's not yet midday. Twenty-plus minutes shy of noon, in fact. What to do? Ours is not a town where there's much to do on a grey day bedevilled by insistent, pissy drizzle. So I went into Waterstones because I can always stand to look at books. Even in a weirdly deficient branch of Waterstones - massive children's dept., acres of business books and a dismally small fiction section that's mostly airport stuff. But my eye was drawn to a tray full of books marked all the way down to ONE POUND. 99.9% dross, of course. But then I saw a neat little volume containing profiles of 12 Russians who don't like Putin. I'll have some of that, I decided. I've lost count of the genuinely interesting things I've picked up in those places that only sell remaindered books. It was in one of those places that I got turned on to Ismail Kadare, fer chrissakes. So my mind is always open to the possibility of being led somewhere stimulating by a bargain pick-up. Let's see. Perhaps it'll make it into the suitcase as holiday reading for the impending trip to the USA. So I went off to get my chicken burger with a hopeful smile, my freshly battered flesh notwithstanding. I got them to hold the mayo and the sickly-sweet onion relish, replacing these with jalapeños. I like a slight frosting of sweat on the brow when eating chicken. Then back to the BULLSHIT JOB.
Friday, 18 March 2016
A GOOD WALK SLIGHTLY SPOILED
The idea of the woods is an attractive one. When it comes to the stretching of the legs and the inhalation of relatively fresher air at the weekend, a consensus has been settled upon by the three members of my little family: the woods are the best. A woody walk: that's what we call an afternoon stroll among trees, along muddy paths, over little brooks, crunching over a thick carpet of fragrantly decaying leaves. This all happens just barely outside the M25. So even the biggest of these woods is tiny, really - a little slice of dampened footfalls, of birdsong, of bramble-tangle, of toadstool, of hollybush. The rounding of a corner or a change in the direction of the breeze and, yes, you can hear the swish of traffic on some not-far-off stretch of motorway. People and their houses and their out-of-town business parks and their bigbox furniture stores: close by, really. How long ago was it, then, that to be in the woods in England truly meant to be somewhere unpeopled and unmanaged? Before the industrial revolution, surely. Some time before that, most likely. Weren't our ancestors cutting swathes through old wood so we could build ships and rules waves? Didn't our ancestors' masters take big bites out of ancient oak, hazel and birch so they could enclose land and own it and own the people set to work on it? Something like that. Anyway, however we got here, here we are: tiny green wedges among the tidy homes and the efficient agriculture and the corrugated sides of giant logistics sites. Of these little wooded places, we have a reliable favourite for our Sunday strolls: colour-coded signs marking out circular walks of varying length. The yellow walk, I think, is the longest (and therefore best): X number of miles in a leafy loop back to the car park. It works. And for a while, it worked especially well, marred-yet-improved by the fat trunk of a fallen tree right across the path at the top of a stretch of gently rising land. 3/4 of the way around the circuit, this obstacle lay there for months. Climbing over it became the highlight of the leg-stretching, the muddy palms brandished like proof of having achieved something. No way to get over it without laying hands on its footprint-smothered bulk, you see. It's gone now. And while we still like that walk, it feels like something important is missing as we climb into the final quarter of the circuit, minds turning to "home learning", work deadlines and the cramped, wired, electrified England crowding in on us just beyond the edge of that minuscule remnant of the old forest.Thursday, 17 March 2016
I MIGHT STOP USING INSTAGRAM
The first time I posted something to Instagram was in in March 2013 and by May of the same year I'd figured out what I would want to use Instagram for most of the time: people-free close-ups of the small things that catch my eye... the quotidian beauty of the ugly, architectural details, the way human things look when contrasted with sky or water.
It seemed an admirable replacement for one of the things I'd been doing with this blog in its earliest days. Back then, I was in the habit of lugging a bulky SLR camera around with me almost every day, using it to take photos of things that not many people seem to be interested in taking photos of: untidy doorbells; handwritten signs and bursts of anger; mysterious markings on the streets under our wheels; the matter which accumulates around drains; the strangely even visual slicing of bits of our surroundings.
You can get some strange looks, let me tell you, if observed pointing a bloody great camera at a discarded leaflet, a crumpled beer can or a declaration of love written on a lamppost. Then there's the business of wrestling that big-bodied SLR out of its case. There's the fiddling with the lens cap. There's the hooking it up to the laptop back home. You get the idea: a bit of a ballache. So Instagram seemed like an upgrade: done with the tidy, tiny phone and up online in seconds; arty editing in a trice; the whole social bit of strangers finding your stuff and then you see their stuff and sometimes you like their stuff etc.
But the thing I liked most was the geo-tagging of the photos. I loved that. Not least because of my fondness for snapping graffiti and street art. Because those things come and go. The prettyugly little thing that catches your eye on Monday could be scrubbed off or covered up by Tuesday. Ephemeral. Fleeting. Lovely, then, to have a way of recording precisely were each eye-pleaser had been found and photographed:

The things I snapped used to appear in PRECISELY the right location. Zooming in, I could tell exactly where a tiny graffito or paste-up had been on the day I'd seen it. Nicenicenice.
It seemed an admirable replacement for one of the things I'd been doing with this blog in its earliest days. Back then, I was in the habit of lugging a bulky SLR camera around with me almost every day, using it to take photos of things that not many people seem to be interested in taking photos of: untidy doorbells; handwritten signs and bursts of anger; mysterious markings on the streets under our wheels; the matter which accumulates around drains; the strangely even visual slicing of bits of our surroundings.
You can get some strange looks, let me tell you, if observed pointing a bloody great camera at a discarded leaflet, a crumpled beer can or a declaration of love written on a lamppost. Then there's the business of wrestling that big-bodied SLR out of its case. There's the fiddling with the lens cap. There's the hooking it up to the laptop back home. You get the idea: a bit of a ballache. So Instagram seemed like an upgrade: done with the tidy, tiny phone and up online in seconds; arty editing in a trice; the whole social bit of strangers finding your stuff and then you see their stuff and sometimes you like their stuff etc.
But the thing I liked most was the geo-tagging of the photos. I loved that. Not least because of my fondness for snapping graffiti and street art. Because those things come and go. The prettyugly little thing that catches your eye on Monday could be scrubbed off or covered up by Tuesday. Ephemeral. Fleeting. Lovely, then, to have a way of recording precisely were each eye-pleaser had been found and photographed:

The things I snapped used to appear in PRECISELY the right location. Zooming in, I could tell exactly where a tiny graffito or paste-up had been on the day I'd seen it. Nicenicenice.
But a little while ago something changed. I went to Instagram a picture and the app asked me to "Add Location". I was presented with a list of options, all of them shops, bars, restaurants, or tourist attractions. So Instagram suddenly wanted to associate my pictures of back-alley daubs or interestingly scrunched cigarette packets with places where things are sold for money. Not cool. And there doesn't seem to be a reliable workaround. Unless somebody knows of one?
This has kinda spoiled Insta for me, buggering up its most appealing feature in order to... what..? encourage people to discover new coffee shops? even though it's not obviously monetisable? (Or is it? Am I missing something?)... [BEMUSED EMOTICON]
So maybe I'll be blogging more little visual gems here again from now on. Or will I? Can I ever go back to the ballache of it? Let's see, I suppose.
BIG TYPO
In October we went to Liverpool and the Wirral for a couple of days. It was a fairly enjoyable if largely uneventful trip. Right now, I'm looking at the handful of photos I took. This is my favourite:
This was taken at ADVENTURELAND in New Brighton. Inside: arcade machines. Outside: small fairground-style rides. Not great. But my son liked it well enough. Long may his low standards continue. Budding sophisticate he may be. But, at the age of 10, he can still be fobbed off with second rate attractions: weary, faded mini-golf; a dismal, ill-smelling travelling fair staffed by unsmiling tweakers. So, the cups of tea, the how-have-you-beens, the that's-very-nices, the walking, the eating and all that other adult stuff was punctuated by a short but slow interlude at ADVENTURELAND. The whirligigs whirled. The leaden sky swirled. I just looked at this sign above the entrance to the indoor part of the place and found myself imagining the conversation that would have unfolded when the signwriting firm delivered it to ADVENTURELAND. Didn't anyone look at any proofs or anything?
This was taken at ADVENTURELAND in New Brighton. Inside: arcade machines. Outside: small fairground-style rides. Not great. But my son liked it well enough. Long may his low standards continue. Budding sophisticate he may be. But, at the age of 10, he can still be fobbed off with second rate attractions: weary, faded mini-golf; a dismal, ill-smelling travelling fair staffed by unsmiling tweakers. So, the cups of tea, the how-have-you-beens, the that's-very-nices, the walking, the eating and all that other adult stuff was punctuated by a short but slow interlude at ADVENTURELAND. The whirligigs whirled. The leaden sky swirled. I just looked at this sign above the entrance to the indoor part of the place and found myself imagining the conversation that would have unfolded when the signwriting firm delivered it to ADVENTURELAND. Didn't anyone look at any proofs or anything?
Monday, 30 November 2015
DAVE PEELS ANOTHER FACE OFF
that David Cameron is everywhere. has always been everywhere. why, even though he's just 49 years old, he was singing patriotic songs as a member of the Red Army back in the early 1970s. these days, when he's not making the case for bombing Syria, he's appearing in one of the misleading pictures accompanying those annoying links you see courtesy of clickbait merchants like RevContent, OutBrain etc, whenever you read anything anywhere. the photo, it has to be said, may give some insight into how Cameron, at "49", has a forehead smoother than a baby's:
Friday, 20 November 2015
COMMODITISATION OF EDGY
it isn't edgy whatever edgy is even supposed to mean when some dick spends his trust fund on a coffee shop whose schtick is being cuntishly and unfunnily mean to women poor people etc. and "pulling" pork definitely isn't edgy now fucking maccy dees are into it and it wasn't anyway even when it was all artisan and beards and tattoos and allllll thattttttttttttt
Saturday, 7 November 2015
VERSED IN WORDLESS ACTS
"Perhaps love finds its most perfect expression in a gesture. Her hand curved around his hand. The human memory is deeply versed in wordless acts, best at retaining the quiet moments of tentative contact..."
from Julia by Otto de Kat
Another moment, then, when fiction rings truer than truth, with a few lines of a novel adding weight and substance to a notion I've had somewhere towards the tip of my own tongue for many years. It's been there for about 20 years now, placed, I am sure, by the echo of an instant that has never left me.
I am lying in the dark in a narrow bed in a back bedroom of a second floor flat in ulica Kielecka in Kraków. I believe the girl lying next to me is fast asleep. Somehow, in shifting the position of her body, she places her foot lightly against my calf. The sole of her foot rests there for a while, feeling cool at first but growing warmer from the contact. Its imprint hasn't faded.
Wednesday, 14 October 2015
GAMES AND NEEDS
It's a long story, but I've ended up playing D&D (AD&D 1E, in fact) again after a gap of way more than 20 years. I dusted off the old rulebooks and starting preparing a few adventures feeling sure that my interest in the game would peter out very quickly. But that's not how it's turned out. I've been finding not only the actual game sessions but also the prep (way, way easier in the digital age than it was in the 1980's) to be much more enjoyable than I'd anticipated. I know, right? Nerdtastic. Anyhow, while doing some of the aforesaid prep, I stumbled upon an infographic (author unknown) which may tickle anyone familiar with both RPGs and Maslow's hierarchy of needs:
Wednesday, 20 May 2015
BACK TO FICTION
Have you ever heard anyone airily dismiss the reading of fiction as "unproductive" or a "waste of time"? Like you're meant to be reading supposedly self-improving business books or whatnot, all with a view to learning how to kiss arse more effectively or rip people off more efficiently and thereby do your duty as a social climbing, aspirational and hardworking unit of production and consumption.
I've never actually bought that line. I was always an avid reader of fiction, even before learning that there exists a rather utilitarian explanation of the value of spending time on people who never existed and things that never happened (sometimes in places that never existed). Schema theory contends that we build mental structures of preconceived ideas, each such framework representing an aspect of the world we live in. These schemata influence how we absorb new information and ideas, allowing people not to waste the brain's processing power puzzling over phenomena which conform to their pre-existing calculations about how stuff works. Most of us in developed countries have each been to lots of different restaurants on many, many occasions. So you have built a restaurant schema built from your observations about things like how a dining area is laid out, how table service works, appropriate ways of interacting with the waiting staff and when you're expected to pay for your meal. Every now and then you find yourself in a restaurant which offers challenges to that restaurant schema. Perhaps you're in Portugal, tucking into small savoury items and bread rolls brought to your table before you've even read a menu. At the end of the meal you're surprised to learn that you have been charged for them. Or perhaps you go to a sushi bar with dishes on a conveyor belt for the first time. Either way, your brain will work hardest to make sense of anything which is new. Anything familiar (e.g. credit cards are accepted and this is made clear by a prominent sticker you see upon entering) requires much less processing power. Each new eaterie you visit offers opportunities for you to refresh your restaurant schema. That said, schemata are highly resistant to change and will only be significantly revised in the face of a critical mass of information which challenges their key assumptions.
An example of a strong challenge to my own restaurant schema concerns dining in Poland. When I first visited that country in 1993, most traditional restaurants offering table service and a relatively formal atmosphere featured something I had never observed at home in the UK - an old lady sitting at the entrance to the WC and expecting to receive a small cash tip for, as far as I could see, doing absolutely nothing. So I quickly adjusted my restaurant schema to account for this. It therefore quickly became an automatic habit to ensure I had a small denomination banknote (there were no coins in circulation in Poland at that precise time) on my person each time I went for a meal. Over time, however, the practice of having the WC staffed in this way fell out of fashion and my (Polish) restaurant schema needed to be revised again.
Where does fiction fit into this? Well, I contend that each time we walk in the shoes of some narrator in some book, we get to challenge our schemata. You certainly can't literally become another person and you probably won't visit most of the places or experience many of the events you read about in novels - definitely not in the case of stories set before you were born or in the imagined future. Literature, then, allows you to try out new ideas and new ways of using language to describe concepts and phenomena. It enables you to stretch and refresh the assumptions built up through your own limited observations and experiences. It does all this, moreover, very efficiently.
I reflected on this when I recently realised that my life's practical preoccupations had prevented me from reading any fiction since DECEMBER LAST YEAR. Such a long break from enjoying novels or short stories is without precedent in my adult life. I won't allow it to happen again. So I put aside what turned out to be a very boring and somewhat depressing examination of how UK governments waste money and picked up a slim volume of Vonnegut short stories. It's put a spring into my step at a time when that's no bad thing.
Monday, 11 May 2015
THE COMPANY YOU KEEP
LONG OVERDUE UPDATE (LAST ONE WAS IN 2012) ON TWITTER ACCOUNTS THAT BLOCK this is my england.
- Louise Mensch
- Nadine Dorries
- Guido Fawkes
- Grace Dent
- George Galloway
- Nick Griffin
- Douglas Carswell
- Toby Young
- James Delingpole
- Melanie Phillips
- Jay Bothroyd
- Richard Keys
- Mike Gaukin
- Joshua Bonehill-Paine (several incarnations thereof)
- Tim Lovejoy
- Fraser Nelson
- Max Keiser
- Ian Millard
NOTE: HAVE NEVER TWEETED ABUSIVE/FOUL LANGUAGE, INSULTS ETC. TO ANY OF THESE.
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