By around 4.45 this afternoon, fans of both QPR and Bolton Wanderers will know which of the two sides has retained its status as a bit part player in the global football entertainment extravaganza sponsored by Barclays bank. In the meantime, supporters of both teams would be well advised not to make too much of a recent Evening Standard piece that, in light of its specious sentimentality, we might very well retitle as Barclay's wank. Because Patrick Barclay's article in Thursday's Standard was exactly that - a pile of wank.
But Barclay's lazy use of vacuous and sentimental drivel is not the only element of his article that will stimulate the ire of any Rangers fan who reads it.
keeping it local
Up and down this country, regional and local newspapers dedicate space to football clubs in the areas they serve. Sure, if a team is performing poorly or if there is some unwanted skulduggery going on behind the scenes, it is quite right that a local journalist should dig around a bit, sharpen the critical pen and cut through the bland, opaque pronouncements that the club's press department is bound to produce. But all of that, you might hope, is in the context of the local hack and the local rag caring about the fortunes of their local team, right? The team makes it to a cup final? The local paper will be rooting for their success. They're in a race for promotion? The local paper will follow that race through every twist and turn, all the copy suffused with the assumption that the reader wants that promotion to be achieved. Relegation is a real possibility for the home town club? The local paper will cover the nervy final stages of the season, catering to the sympathies of people who do not want the local side to go down. Local papers can be expected to take this partisan approach, surely.
Our QPR, though, cannot depend on London's daily evening paper for that sort of backing. Sure, across its various boroughs, the capital is currently home to no fewer than fourteen league clubs. So we can't expect our team to dominate the Standard's football coverage. Nor can we expect to have our club's cause promoted above those of our more glamorous neighbours in London's N5, N17 and SW6 postcodes. But our club has been part of London life since 1882. So shouldn't we really expect London's daily paper to root for the Rangers rather than their rivals from Greater Manchester when discussing the Premier League's one outstanding relegation issue? Yes, it seems that this is too much to expect - because Patrick Barclay comes out as resolutely pro-Bolton when looking ahead to the two teams' Sunday fixtures.
crocodile tears for Bolton
So why is a London-based hack rooting for Bolton Wanderers? Moreover, why is a London paper carrying an article whose headline contends that the whole country "is behind Bolton" in the Premier League survival race? More to the point, why would the whole country be behind one of the north-west's numerous drab also-rans?
In his article, Barclay reminds us of that horrible day when Bolton's Fabrice Muamba lay motionless on the White Hart Lane pitch, stricken by a cardiac arrest. Young men at the peak of physical fitness are not meant to come so close to death. So it was shocking. Quite naturally then, as the drama unfolded, good wishes poured in via Twitter. Muamba has since made what looks like a remarkable recovery and it seems fair to say that any decent person with an interest in the game would continue to wish him well.
But Patrick Barclay goes much further than this. Presuming to speak for all of his London readers (other than those of us who suffer the wonderful burden of supporting QPR) he opines that "we, the great body of neutrals, would not be human if we didn't wish Muamba’s clubmates well at Stoke".
Really? Have any of you really encountered friends or colleagues who would rather see Bolton escape relegation than QPR out of a sense of sympathy for a wealthy and talented young man who has received excellent medical care and whose future seems to look secure? Really? ... and how long will this 'Muamba effect' last? Are we to suppose that every neutral observer will forever be willing on Bolton Wanderers in their future endeavours? What if Muamba recovers to the point of being able to play again and is eventually transferred to some other club? Will the warm glow of Muamba-love continue to cast its magic spell over his former colleagues from the Reebok Stadium? Or will the endless goodwill and sympathy be transferred to his new team?
So where does this sort of tripe come from? Why do people come out with it? Let's take a short trip back in time in search of the origins of such nonsense.
going on a sentimental journey
Perhaps there is some merit in the arguments of the psychiatrist and author Theodore Dalrymple. Published a couple of years ago, his book Spoilt Rotten: The Toxic Cult of Sentimentality contends that sentimentality has become culturally entrenched in British society, with harmful consequences.
One chapter explores what Dalrymple calls "the demand for public emotion". Citing landmark news stories such as the disappearance of Madeleine McCann and the untimely death of Princess Diana, he deplores the way in which sections of both the media and the general public have come to demand that others express shock or grief in a very public way. Dalrymple condemns what he calls a tabloid "campaign of bullying against the sovereign", in which The Sun newspaper, particularly, rounded on the Royal Family for not rushing to London to mourn Diana's death in the glare of media coverage. He even contends that some of the members of the public gathered outside Buckingham Palace were joining in the bullying, assembling to apply pressure the monarch "rather than expressing any genuine grief". The chapter concludes by arguing that the sentimentality shown by both the media and the public “was inherently dishonest in a way that parallels the dishonesty that lies behind much sentimentality itself".
If we apply this line of argument to the Fabrice Muamba case, what would Dalrymple make of the response to the Bolton midfielder's cardiac arrest scare? Quite possibly, he would not condemn the mere act of immediately expressing shock, disbelief and sympathy via Twitter. But what would he make of those demanding that others join them in ensuring that the #prayformuamba hashtag rose to the top of the trending charts? It seems likely that he would file this as dishonest and reach once again for the term "bullying". Is this fair? Well, at times, particularly via online social networks, it does feel as though many people are keen to join a kind of arms race of emotion - vying to appear the most concerned, the most shocked, the most affected. Further, it does sometimes feels that part of that is a shrill demand that everyone else should feel the same way - or at least pretend to.
sod all that... we are QPR
If Dalrymple's argument seems fairly persuasive, perhaps Patrick Barclay's article should not come as a surprise. But there are some surprises here, perhaps. One pleasant surprise is that Barclay's spurious narrative (the whole country is behind Bolton because of Muamba) does not really gel with anything that many of us have heard in conversations with people who do not support QPR; an unpleasant surprise is that a reputedly interesting football writer reaches for such lazy tosh.
Had this article been written by some loathsome tabloid twat, its contents might not have been very surprising. But isn't Patrick Barclay supposed to be among the more intelligent and articulate football writers? Or have we just been fooled by his resemblance to a certain wise, moral and charismatic starship captain? Either way, his sentimental tosh did come as an unwelcome surprise. Expected better. Never mind. Opinion duly revised downwards, Mr. Barclay. Perhaps Mark Hughes should ensure that every member of today's team reads Barclay's article. Not that they should be short of motivation. But every little helps, right?
Look, even if it were true that everyone in the country really was rooting for Bolton, we could live with that, right? We have had to contend with appalling refereeing, with snidey media coverage and with moronic taunting of our blameless centre-half (see you in court, JT). It's siege mentality time. Sod what anyone else thinks. We are QPR. Let's 'ave it.
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