Sunday, 28 February 2016

WWBAGWFT2: NOT DESIRE PATHS BUT...?

Just over a week ago, I dropped in on an old friend who lives just outside Chichester. My pal is a big reader - has worked in publishing for ages; used to work in bookshops; used to send me bundles of books to keep me supplied with fresh reading material when living in my pre-Internet Poland of the early-to-mid nineteen nineties. 

We only had about an hour to chat and to look around the new house he's just moved into with his wife and two wonderfully polite daughters, all of whom were at home when we stopped by. So there was little time for one of our proper catch-ups. But I could tell he'd read something new and had it on his mind. I noticed that he kept returning, a little obliquely, to the concept of unloved, unlovely places at the edge of town and country. Every now and then, with just a few words, he would capture quite evocatively the essence of these ignored strips and patches of land. More than once he used the term edgelands. Something about how he emphasised this word suggested that it was one around which he'd lately and repeatedly been wrapping his mouth and mind. But for whatever reason, I didn't pick up on this possible cue to ask more about this apparent neologism, edgelands. I guessed, however, that he and I would return to this theme some time soon.

So it came to pass. Two days later, my friend asked me if I knew of a book titled Edgelands. I replied that I did not. Shortly after that, I was surprised to receive said book by post, courtesy of my thoughtful pal. Replying to my words of thanks, he advised me that he'd "found it to be a mixture of fascinating, amusing, concerning and slightly irritating but a good read nonetheless." I am part of the way through it and I am minded to agree with my friend's words. I do feel that the book contains much to admire while being, at the same time, frustratingly unsatisfying in places. 

Much of the photography and, I think, a little of the writing, here at this is my england (and the associated Instagram account) is evidence of my interest in the kind of spaces and atmospheres explored by Paul Farley and Michael Symmons Roberts (both are poets) in Edgelands. In fact I'd really like to find my own ways to capture the essence of these untidy places in my own short stories and attempts at poetry. Effective ways, I mean. Ways that properly please me if no one else. 

Overall, then, it feels like I keep nodding with approval as the two poets put into words a half-formed notion that I've never properly articulated myself. But then, rather more often than I'd like, I feel that the Edgelands authors miss the mark, even if only by a fraction. It's like this book reminds me of an itch... and then fails to scratch it. So at some point, I may feel inclined to say more about Edgelands. But for now I just want to express my dissatisfaction with one particular term coined by the authors.

Consider the photograph below. It shows part of the route I must take if, as now, I find myself travelling, daily, in and out of London in pursuit of a living. Here, I am drawing close to the station near my home:


Notice what has happened to the landscaping crafted around the mid-sized office building which sits close to our local station. In step with other commuters, I cross a busy road and then a bridge, before approaching the corner you see here. Some nameless town planner, you will observe, wanted us to stick to the footpath, our progress describing a gentle curve as we turn our steps into the station's approach road. But see that dry, grassless groove, a sharper angle worn across the well-trimmed grass maintained by some contractor serving the owners of the office complex. On rainless days, numberless pedestrians have shaved three seconds or so from the daily commute by cutting out the prescribed curve, flattening and then killing the grass as they go. For me, it's a decision. I realise now, in fact, that many, many times I have allotted some small portion of my attention to the question of whether to contribute to this process of erosion by angling across the corner of the lawn. Or whether to curve around the outside of the lamppost like a good boy. Does it depend on the weather? On the newness of my shoes? On whether I'm unobserved? On whether others around me are widening and deepening that illicit groove, or sweeping dryly and correctly along the footpath? 

These countless tiny decisions and a surprisingly clear picture of the corner shown above both sprang immediately to mind when reading the following passage from Edgelands:
The post-war overspill developments seen on the edges of many of our cities were planned right down to every concrete walkway, subway and pathway. But their green squares and verges were soon criss-crossed with desire paths: a record of collective short-cuttings. In the winter, they turned to sludgy scars that spattered trousers and skirts and clung to shoes, and during hot summers they turned dusty and parched. Once established, they fell into constant use, footpaths which have never entered the literature. These footpaths of least resistance offer their own subtle resistance to the dead hand of the planner.  
I enjoyed almost every word of this. Almost. But "desire paths"? No, no. This term really doesn't cut it for me. On one hand the Edgelands writers very deftly bring into "the literature" an  instantly recognisable feature of urban and suburban environments which has escaped the descriptive remit of other texts. But on the other hand, once conjured into something tangible, this quotidian phenomenon is mislabelled with a term that seems altogether too attractive. Sylvan, even, speaking to me of improbably nubile faeries leaving traces of their passing across the glistening caps of dewy toadstools. This is about real people cutting across real patches of grass, using the spaces they live in (or travel through) not quite as the planners hoped. Nothing more. No faerie dust. No longing. No lust. So wherefore desire?

So I am looking for a more suitable alternative term for desire paths while being mindful that it may be difficult to create a sufficiently elegant one. But maybe such a term exists in German? Or, if not, perhaps a native speaker of German would find it easier to create one than would a Brit or an American. After all, just over a month ago, this is my england noted that "the German language outperforms English in one important area - a facility for the creation of abstract nouns which neatly (i.e. with one word, albeit sometimes a rather long one) convey quite complex and highly specific concepts or emotional states." This observation was followed up with a rambling attempt to convey certain frustrating emotions experienced (by me, anyway) at pelican crossings and an appeal for passing German speakers to encapsulate these with spiffy new nouns. I asked, then,  "What Would Be a German Word for That?"

So, dear German reader (or, more realistically, M.P. Powers) - these desire paths of Paul Farley and Michael Symmons Roberts: What Would Be a (Better!) German Word for That? Yeah, this is #WWBAGWFT2.

Thursday, 25 February 2016

Wednesday, 24 February 2016

ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS

we were in the car
and my wife said
everyone on Facebook is complaining
about Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip.

so I was like:
who is complaining? what are they saying?
mums, she said. they are all in the cinema, with kids.
enduring Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip,
and, like, it's really terrible, the
worst thing ever.

it's the voices, I imagine, I said.
those fucking voices...

look, I continued,
I'd take a kid to see that movie
so long as I got to take something that took me out of myself.
like I'd go if I could take valium.
or heroin, maybe.
or, like, OxyContin.

MY DESCENT INTO DRUGS HELL
the headline would shout, leading to...
"it all started when I needed something
to take the edge off Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip" 

GET LISTED AS A TELEMARKETING MASTER

TO BE THOUGHT OF AS A TELEMARKETING MASTER, YOU MUST:

  • WRITE A VERBATIM TRANSCRIPTION OF A RECENT INTERACTION YOU'VE HAD WITH A SEEMINGLY WITLESS TELEMARKETER
  • PUT IT ON YOUR BLOG
  • TWEET A LINK TO IT, PUTTING IN APPOSITE HASHTAGS:

  • WAIT FOR COMPANIES AND CONSULTANTS WORKING IN MARKETING AND TELEMARKETING TO DO THIS, WITHOUT, ONE MUST ASSUME, FOLLOWING THE LINK AND READING YOUR SHIT:


LONG TIME NO RUNNERS

Big pieces of graffiti on the sides of trains carrying commuters into, out of and across London: a while ago I was seeing them regularly...


Then nothing like that for ages. Until last week. On the TUBE, no less:

THIS ISN'T VICTORIA

my mobile phone rings. I don't recognise the number. I answer.

ME: Hello? (my voice is obviously male. hoarse, even, because of my heavy cold)
CALLER: Hi, this is Thomas from the Incident Support Team.
ME: What kind of incident do you think I've been involved in, Thomas?
CALLER: Is this Victoria?
ME: No. Can't you hear it's not Victoria?
CALLER: ...
ME: Is it Victoria Jones you're after? I get about 50 calls a year for a Victoria Jones. I guess she used to have my mobile number. Or she's put my number in when filling out some form. So if you can strike my number off your list, that'd be great.
CALLER: Cheers.

Wednesday, 10 February 2016

IMPERATIVES

take advice,
take heart,
take heroin.

do yoga.
do charity work.
do crystal methamphetamine.

do it in the bushes.
do it in the morning.
do it at some guy's house.
do it do it do it.

do it on that patch of land behind the drive-thru McDonalds.

watch your weight,
watch your mouth,
watch porn.

pass the peas,
pass water,
pass away.

but
don't
tell
me
about it.

Wednesday, 20 January 2016

WWBAGWFT1: GREEN MAN SHIT

It is widely understood that the German language outperforms English in one important area - a facility for the creation of abstract nouns which neatly (i.e. with one word, albeit sometimes a rather long one) convey quite complex and highly specific concepts or emotional states. Examples:

  • Schadenfreude
  • Vergangenheitsbewältigung
  • Kummerspeck
  • Torschlusspanik
  • Fremdschämen
  • Scheinselbständigkeit

With this in mind, so begins an open-ended series of challenges to any German speakers who may happen to stumble on this is my england. These musings will be known as WWBAGWFT (What Would Be a German Word for That?)and will work as follows:

  • a highly specific (usually complex) situation, feeling or concept will be described
  • entry concludes by asking "WWBAGWFT?"

Here goes, then, with the first of these:

OK, so you know when you're on foot and you arrive at a pelican crossing and you press the button because you need to cross the road? You know how when you press the button a light is meant to come on indicating that the button has been pressed? Sometimes the word "WAIT" lights up, right? On some newer crossings, just a red circle of light comes on around the button, yeah? Usually it works. Sometimes it doesn't. OK, so for WWBAGWFT1, there is more than one concept in search of a German abstract noun:

  • WWBAGWFT1A: a word to capture the feeling you experience when the "WAIT" (or red light circle thing) doesn't illuminate and you're not sure whether the whole thing is working... like how long should you wait for the green man before beginning to believe that your pressing of the button had no effect?
  • WWBAGWFT1B: a word to capture the feeling you experience when the following happens: you have pushed the button when there is no one else at the crossing; another pedestrian arrives, clearly sees you standing there waiting and then decides to push the button again herself/himself. To be clear, the nature of the feeling you experience is negative. Perhaps you even find yourself saying to yourself "Does that cunt think I'm too stupid to push the fucking button?". Crucially, the "WAIT" (or similar) thing is ILLUMINATED as a result of your having ALREADY PUSHED THE FUCKING BUTTON. So, in addition to your feeling affronted at the new arrival possibly thinking you are too stupid to push the button, you experience a feeling of contempt arising from the fact that this person has either not noticed the illuminated "WAIT" thing or, worse(?), has noticed it and presses the button anyway... almost as if the signal won't change when you push the button but will change when they do... because... why?
  • WWBAGWFT1C: A variant, blended, situation based on the ones described in WWBAGWFT1A AND WWBAGWFT1B(above), i.e. you have pushed the button, the "WAIT" thing has not lit up (as per WWBAGWFT1A), you are waiting for the signal AND THEN another pedestrian rocks up and presses the button (as per WWBAGWFT1B)... so WWBAGWF the feeling you experience when you see that the new arrival notices you waiting, notices the "WAIT" thing is not lit and the presses the button... so you're probably telling yourself "He thinks I'm just standing here like a prick without pushing the button, waiting for the green man to appear by magic. Fuck him for thinking that!!!"


OK then. Let's see if any passing Germans can assist.  

Tuesday, 19 January 2016

ONE PERSON WHO CARES VERY MUCH

I don't often think about Bukowski these days. Years ago, I used to think about him and his writing a lot. So much so, in fact, that the first thing I ever really did on the internet was to build a very simple Charles Bukowski tribute website. In 1998, I think. That led to seeking out fellow fans of the man's work, a number of whom used to hang out in a dingy corner of usenet set up ostensibly to host discussions about the Dirty Old Man of San Pedro. I say ostensibly, because Bukowski was rarely discussed there. The main action was endless flame-wars, some interesting, some dull, some demented. I remain friendly with one of the former habitués of that group, the Chicago-born, Florida-raised and now Germany-based M.P. Powers, author of the novel Fortuna Berlin.

Powers has been a good listener and a damn good talker on the numerous occasions I've met him - in Boynton Beach, in Miami, in Palm Beach, in Berlin and in London. We've corresponded a fair bit, too, over the long years since sometimes finding ourselves on the same side of this or that fight between warring usenet lunatics in the late nineties. So I think (without checking) that I am right when stating that I seem to remember him saying he doesn't care much for most (all?) of the posthumously-released collections of previously unpublished (or unpublished in book form) Bukowski stuff. He is not alone in this. A good number of Buk enthusiasts seem to baulk at paying for scraps and cast-offs of dwindling quality as the late author's last remaining cupboards, notebooks and waste-paper baskets are wrung dry.

There is something in this. But for all that, I do continue to buy this stuff when it comes out, the most recent acquisition being The Bell Tolls For No One, a ragtag of short stories, many (but not all) of which are from Bukowski's L.A. Free Press column of the 1970s. Based on what I've read so far, the quality is patchy. What's more, as I started to read, I decided that I couldn't be certain that I was reading some of this material for the first time ever. Because as many who have read a lot of Bukowski's prodigious output can confirm, the Dirty Old Man endlessly retold, refined and reworked a number of (apparently/supposedly) real incidents from his own life across short stories, poems and sections of his novels, adding and omitting details with each retelling.


This very point is mentioned in the introduction to this collection, written by its editor David Stephen Callone:
Several of the stories included in this volume demonstrate how [Bukowski] worked and reworked [his] material. He creates the same narrative anew; he doesn't copy, but starts over. He is always retelling his autobiography but selecting different details, reinventing instead of rewriting... It is typical of Bukowski's method of selecting episodes from his life and reworking them, adding specific details and usually elaborating on reality by adding invented plot elements. He is constantly engaged in telling and retelling his life, giving it the structure of myth so that the two become inseparable.
None of this is meant as a criticism of Bukowski's tendency to refine and rework the same incident over and over. I certainly don't have an issue with it. Quite the opposite, really. It's become a genuine pleasure to encounter one of the writer's sexual escapades or quotidian frustrations for the umpteenth time. The myth-building process described above by Callone is a big part of what I enjoy. But, for me, it has, in the past, sometimes caused confusion about whether or not I've read any given poem, story or collection.

My own Bukowski collection is now pretty much exhaustive. I own all of the novels and am confident that I've picked up every available collection of short stories and poetry. Added to this are a number of biographies of Buk and collections of essays about his work. What I have not acquired, however, is a perfect recollection of all of the titles. So if you asked me to name the titles of all of those books from memory, I would not be able to do it. Very occasionally, this causes a problem. For instance, when I bought The Bell Tolls for No One last week in the flagship Charing Cross Road branch of Foyle's, I also spotted The Continual Condition in the poetry section and simply could not decide whether or not I already owned a copy. I called home and imposed upon my wife's time, having her check my bookshelves to confirm that I did, in fact, already own a copy of the book in question.

Anyway, the good folks at City Lights Books in San Francisco responded very quickly to the following question:
It was confirmed that two stories in  The Bell Tolls for No One have never been published before and that the remainder have only appeared in publications such as the L.A. Free Press, Open City and Hustler.

Pleased to feel certain that I an indeed reading these familiar-but-new-to-me stories for the first time, I press on with my new purchase, taking my time to enjoy it and think about it.

When reading Bukowski, I almost always find a line which stands out precisely because it reminds me strongly of one of my own experiences or thought processes. Among the pages of The Bell Tolls for No One, I have already found a line of this sort. In a passage from a third person (unusual for Bukowski) piece from one of the Notes of a Dirty Old Man columns, a man and a woman are discussing relationships and how they end. The man speaks: 
"It's always the same. The is one person who cares very much and one person who doesn't seem to care, or who only half-cares. The one who doesn't care too much is in control. The relationship ends when the one who doesn't care gets tired of the game."
The woman asks him "which ends" he has been on, to which he replies that he has been on both ends.

This exchange captures precisely what used to depress, frighten and annoy me about my relationships with women. The end always left me feeling either like a cold-hearted cad or like a broken-hearted victim. There was always the imbalance of power described in the conversation from Bukowski's Dirty Old Man piece. By my mid-thirties, I felt about ready to give up on "the game" and was wondering what I might end up resorting to when possessed with the urge to seek companionship or pleasure.

But then I met the wonderful woman who last week helped me check whether I owned a copy of The Continual Condition. Now I am no longer preoccupied by that question of the "one person who cares very much" vs. "one person who doesn't seem to care." But reading Bukowski's brief observation brought back that familiar unhappiness. It's very possible, as my reading continues, that The Bell Tolls for No One will yield further such powerful moments for me. I guess this is why I don't mind continuing to buy this posthumous output. However much I am minded to agree that the quality is variable, I keep in mind that even Bukowski's weaker stuff has a tendency to contain something which will resonate.

Monday, 30 November 2015

DAVE PEELS ANOTHER FACE OFF

that David Cameron is everywhere. has always been everywhere. why, even though he's just 49 years old, he was singing patriotic songs as a member of the Red Army back in the early 1970s. these days, when he's not making the case for bombing Syria, he's appearing in one of the misleading pictures accompanying those annoying links you see courtesy of clickbait merchants like RevContent, OutBrain etc, whenever you read anything anywhere. the photo, it has to be said, may give some insight into how Cameron, at "49", has a forehead smoother than a baby's: